The defiant curl

defiant curl

I love having AHA moments!  The ones where you can never again look at the world and perceive it as you had previously.  I had a quite enlightening conversation with my hair this morning.  Yes, Illumination can be found everywhere!  I should be used to Understanding coming in odd and unusual manners nowadays, but I quite enjoyed this giggle inspiring manner in which I shed more light on my life.   I for certain didn’t think I’d be having a conversation with my hair when I woke, but I’m quite glad I did!

What did my hair have to tell me so boldly this morning?  It told me, in no uncertain terms that I can no longer hide from Myself.  Not ever.  None of us can really, though we try, oh boy do we try!  I ran for decades, until I finally just got tired of running. Running around, running in circles, running for cover, running for the door, running from myself, running to myself.  Running running running, and just never getting anywhere…or so it seemed.

I did a damn good job of running and believing that I needed to run.  I was bound so tightly in ALL of these wonky beliefs.  I never FIT anywhere, it seemed.  I always thought I needed to be better, smarter, faster, fitter, leaner, stronger, prettier, richer, worthy, AND I always wanted straight hair!  God I wished and wished and wished I’d been born with straight hair!

Why couldn’t I just have hair that would behave?!?  Hair that would do as it was told!  Hair that would lie in a chic and sober ponytail, neat and smooth and sleek.  You know, proper hair!  Not this wild and unruly mop of locks I came in with.  This crazy springy mess that always has a mind of its own.  That defies containment at EVERY turn!  That rejects smooth and polished and proper and instead cavorts gaily and merrily about my head in any ol’ manner it feels like.  Even when I stuff it all up under a ball cap, it still springs free quite like the unruly weeds that refuse to acknowledge the sidewalks laid over them.  Gleefully oblivious to my angst, my hair has always lived in wild abandon.  My hair has been trying to tell me something for years and years, it would seem.

“I am free!!” Spake my hair to me, and I hated my hair for being so free, for not conforming.  For not doing as it was told!  For not being smooth and shiny like all the pretty girls, with their pretty straight hair.

“Behave!  Why can’t you just be good!” I yelled at my unruly mop and my unruly mop merely laughed at me, as it continued its unrepentant dance about my crown.

“No,” it said simply.  “I did not come here for your rules and regulations!”  And off it cavorted, in any and every direction it pleased.  I continued my quest to tame my hair, looked for straighteners and flat irons and went about my war of the locks.  Nothing worked, not permanently anyway.  I was born with curly hair, I was born with a curly soul too, I just didn’t fully realize it until this fun conversation.

I quit straightening my hair about 4 years ago, quit coloring it too.  I decided to just let it go, just let it be the wild bramble it was going to be anyway.  Wasn’t a fight I could win, I finally realized.  Thus we get to this morning and my delightful conversation with my curls.  This morning I pulled my hair back in a tight ponytail, to keep it out of the way, so I could get about my business of getting things done and this one springy curl defied containment…yet again.  Didn’t matter how many times I pulled it back it sprang up.  SPROING!!  Not the first time, happens ALL the time, actually, I just happened to notice it because it’s right at my temple.  And its quite pronounced.  And I sighed and rolled my mental eye and thought, sheesh, defiant little curls, why can’t you just behave!  Then proceeded to rolled my actual eyes and walked away from the mirror, muttering under my breath about my unruly hair.  Yet my curls spoke back to me as I walked to another room.

“I represent the truth of you, silly woman, the infinite spiral of your awareness you came here to explore.  I defy your need for organization and order.  I defy your quest for sober reflection.  I am the wild bramble in the fields, I am the merry chase round and round, ever higher through yourself.  I am the wild, uncontained spiral of the storm that defies any structure the mind erects. I am the expression of the freedom OF YOU!!! Can you SEE that?  FINALLY?  I rise up out of you, from you, I AM YOU.   I represent the you, you have long been seeking!  I am joyous abandon, I am uninhibited expression, I am creation drunk on itself spinning itself ever higher!  I am ALL the things you ARE, yet would never allow yourself to be.  I am wild!  I am free!  I am unapologetic for my chaotic grace and nonconformity!  I am beautiful and wild and ever rising, I am me!”

pinecone spiral

And I stopped dead at my desk and then sat down quickly and grabbed up my pen.  What more might my unruly mane impart?  Never mind for now that I’m talking to my hair, I scribbled furiously, in an attempt to keep up with my curling thoughts.

“You shall never contain me, not ever,  you cannot. Sure, sure you can douse me with more chemicals, or iron me out flat, yet always I come back.  Always my true form emerges!  Always, underneath it all, I am me.  Are you listening?  Do I FINALLY have your attention?”

“Yes, yes, I’m listening unruly mop, what else?” I urge, with great affection, pen poised, a smile on my face.  And believe it or not my hair smiled back. 🙂

“I know you saw me, I felt you wake up to me, to the abandon and the joyous defiance spiraling out from your crown.   Hear me now, my human, I am not the Lorax, I don’t speak for the trees.   I am you and I speak for the soul from which I spring.  I came to spin, I came to twirl, I came to cavort gaily about in the most unruly, unfettered manner! I am the defiant curl of your very soul seeking expression and I’ve always rested at your crown, always out here for you and any one else with the eyes to see!  For I AM  you, my darling, the wildest, freest, most unfettered expression of you!  I defy your constant quest for sobriety and conformity and control and NORMALCY!  Oh barf!  Come on sister!  Take my lead, follow my example!


Set yourself free, well and truly free!  Be who you are!  Unapologetically, unashamedly, don’t hold back any more!  Stop apologizing for things you didn’t do.  Stop apologizing for what you did do.  LIVE!  Stop trying to escape from who you really are!  You ARE a wild moon child, you were born under the waxing light of an unfettered moon.  Born in the dark, to explore the dark, and so you’ve explored your life.  Cavorting through the darkest parts of a soul, always with your gaze cast upward.  Always seeking the light.  Always wishing for the sun.

But, my darling human, you ARE the light, you are free!  As free to be yourself as no one else on this lovely world can be, because all the other me’s are taken, and they are busy exploring and being their own version of Me.  All with their own defiant curls they are either listening to, or not.   So take the example I’ve been giving you since you became this lovely human being, be you, unapologetically, brazenly!!  Boldly go where you have never let yourself go before!  I am your defiant curl and I am with you always, and I shall always, always, always be free, care to join me?”

Thus sayeth my hair, and I laughed as I wrote.  Because…well, my HAIR was no longer just taking up space on the top of my head, its magic was curling and cavorting about my brain pan as well!  Who knew I could find insight into my soul in my locks?  My locks, which  have held the keys to who I truly be?  Or perhaps that’s just me, and I’m quite mad…then again… 😉

That’s how far away Freedom is.  It’s that close.  “I could never be so far as to be near, for nearness implies separation.”  We are not separate from Freedom, it lies a mere PERCEPTION away.  It’s a choice, a simple choice! (And possibly a conversation with your hair.)  What might you have that has been seeking your attention your entire life?  A physical aspect, a personality quirk, a tendency, a preference, a dream that will not leave you be?  Something you’ve long overlooked , or perhaps wished was different, “God if I could just CHANGE this aspect, or that aspect…how perfect would my life be?”  Try embracing it instead of pushing against it, you chose it after all, maybe not on this level of your awareness, but nothing comes to you by accident.  It’s a reflection of something you are trying to tell yourself.  Talk to it.  You might just hear an answer.  😉 Until next time…



The world as I see it…is a Remarkable place


You know what I love about this big, bold, beautiful, amazing, magical, fucked up, fantastic, fanciful, gigantic mess of a world on which we live?

EVERYTHING!   All of it!   The whole gloopy glorious mess!!  The good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the day and the night, the good guys and the bad guys, the happy and the sad, the loving and the hateful, the predators and the prey, the depressed and the joyous.  Why???  Because I CHOSE to be here.  I chose to be an incarnate being at THIS most amazing, crazy, awakening “point” in history.  I chose to be here, and I can choose to be elsewhere.  I have the choice of what to do and where to be and how to feel, in EVERY given moment.

Can you FEEL the freedom in that??  No one is forcing us to be here.  We aren’t being held here against our will.  We CHOSE to be here and we choose how we feel about that, and what we can do about that.  It’s all choice and focused attention.  I LOVE KNOWING THAT!!  God, the freedom, the utter perfection in that awareness!

No, the world ISN’T perfect, and the world IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!!   It’s perfection lies in the totality of it, ALL OF IT.   It all depends on HOW I CHOOSE to view it.  How I choose to respond to it.  When we operate unconsciously we are so attached to the patterns of life, that we can’t see we are even in a pattern of beliefs.  We then believe whatever we are told and believe that the evidence of our physical senses is IT.  If I can see it and hear it and smell it and taste it and touch it, then it must be true, can’t argue against that…. If we refuse to awaken to reality, we remain caught up in its gigantic web of patterns within patterns. And we react. And that’s alright!  My goodness that’s perfectly alright and a completely valid way to experience life,  but damn can it can make for a bumpy ride!

And guess what?  Waking up can be hard to do too.  I still think it’s utterly worth it!   I hit the snooze button on my conscious awareness for a LONG time.  Still do occasionally, and boy does THAT make for some interesting experiences! So WHAT?!    That’s life, that’s the world and  I’m here experiencing it!  A few years ago, I couldn’t wait to be dead I was so fed up and sick of this bs life, and that’s how I lived, as if I were dead.  Today, I’ve never felt more alive and more joyous and more free! I’ve never felt this in the flow, in the fun, ENJOYING this crazy game known as life.  The good AND the bad, because it’s all good.  Because it IS a game.  A game I CHOSE to play, and continue to choose to play.   Same exact life, same person, same exact entity, but happy, free, free from ALL the previous definitions that used to beat me to a pulp.

What changed?  My mind, my beliefs, my FOCUS, I choose to RESPOND to life now instead of react to life.   I chose to understand that I do create my life out of the things I choose to pay my all important coin of attention to.  The lights are coming on, all over this big world of ours, the curtain is rising, as we speak.  Think about a slowly brightening room, what happens?  Well anything that was comfy and safe in the dark becomes more and more visible.  All that beautiful, terrible stuff that was hiding in the darkness, becomes perceived.  The world is waking up and every being on the planet is waking up along with it.

Doesn’t mean everyone is going to become a guru and sit around in cool clothes and talk about harnessing chi and positive vibes and such.  Doesn’t mean we are all going to get along and sing kumbaya…and it doesn’t mean the end of the world is nigh.  Far from it,  it just means we are transitioning.  What happens when one movie is over and the lights come up??  Well you can get up and go home or you can decide to watch another movie, sure it’s an ending of a sort, but not THE END.


We all came here to be different, we all came in with different levels of awareness, so someone that is sound ass asleep, is going to wake up more slowly than someone that came in to this reality almost awake.  Doesn’t mean we aren’t all waking up, just means we are waking up at different paces, at different levels.  And you know what? That’s awesome!  Again, what a boring world this would be if we all looked the same, sounded the same, believed the same,  woke up at the same time and in the same manner, etc.

We came from Unity, we came from that sameness to have the experience of different, to have the experience of unique, to have the experience of fear, of not love.  We came here for experience, good ones, bad ones, happy ones, sad ones, scared ones, joyous ones.  ALL OF THEM!  We came for the party, even when we don’t realize it’s a party.  But it is, and we chose to be here.

My CHOICE is everything.  In every moment of life, I have the option to be response-able, or be reactive.  To perpetuate unconscious patterns or step outside of the automated reaction, take RESPONSIBLILITY for HOW I FEEL and choose.  I can continue to choose to feel the way I feel and have felt about a thing, or I can actually CHOOSE to feel something else.

“Let’s see, for the 10,000 times that this has happened to me previously, I’ve always offered THIS reaction.  I never did like the way it felt, but it seemed the appropriate reaction…  Because I didn’t realize I could actually CHOOSE a response, in lieu of merely reacting.  What a novel concept.  But damn it’s hard because so and so’s such a dick!” Or whatever, feel free to insert your repetitive reaction here…. 🙂

People CHOOSE their lives, yes even the crappiest life on the planet, is a perfectly VALID choice.  Who am I to judge that life?  The goodness or the badness of it.  The rightness or the wrongness of it?  The appropriateness or lack of appropriateness of it?  It’s not MY life.  I didn’t chose it, I chose this one.  What makes my choice of living THIS life any better or worse than that one which I am deeming “less than” or “wrong”?  Its not any better, or any worse.  It is simply mine.


I honor your choice of life, I honor your struggle, because I came in with struggle too.  All of us did, in some form or fashion.  I felt trapped by my own struggle, unable to escape my reactive feelings…until I realized I could.   I honor the choice of those that are overwhelmed and full of fear and see only the darkness, when all around us the evidence of the light shines forth brighter and brighter.  I might not agree with you, and you might think I’m craze-balls, but that’s ok.  Its still our choice.

There will always be contrast, but if the focus remains on what is wrong, then it will continue to be wrong.  Where attention goes energy flows.  So I choose to focus on solutions.  I choose to focus on things always working out.  I choose to focus on the people I love being happy.  I choose to focus on the world being a remarkable place.

Does it always work?  Depends on my focus. If I run every time someone yells fire, then no, I get dragged back into patterns.  I feel righteous indignation and outrage and helplessness etc and guess what life serves up to me?  Yep, more of the same, so that I can continue to have those sort of crap feeling reactions, until I decide I have the OPTION to FEEL however the eff I want to feel about a thing.  Until then, I am not free.

Life hands us whatever we focus upon, without question, without judgment.  We are that free, we are that supported, we are that loved, and patterns of reality are that sticky!  They are so TANGIBLE, so REAL… We are so free we can choose being trapped, being stuck.  What are you bound to, trapped by, stuck in or with?  What are you so fearful of losing (good or bad) that you aren’t willing to let go of?

How do we identify ourselves?  Through definitions, through causes, through attachments,  jobs, lovers.  All our I am’s.    I had a big realization yesterday, a huge one.  I’ve been so defining myself by a specific situation that when I seriously considered removing myself from this long held position I was almost strangled by fear.

“NO!  This is my life!  Who I am without this?  How would I live?”

Wait, what?  I heard my reaction and saw how much of my power I was channeling in to this one teensy tiny little aspect of my reality, of my life.  How much of MY power I was giving away to judgment and fear. So that it became ALL that I could see, all life could hand back to me.   We are defined by what we do, yes, but even that flows from patterns of thought, choices of being,  but those choices are NOT cast in stone.  We are energy, and energy is boundless, energy is limitless.  Where are the walls that can contain energy?  By identifying with that situation, by limiting myself to THAT choice of reality, I built a wall around my limitless energy.  I confined myself to a painful reality, not just emotionally painful, physically painful as well, to the point of physical deterioration.  The ties that bind, are ALL IN THE MIND.


They are all made up, so how then can we define and judge the world as right or wrong, good or bad?  Do we know the story of every being that walks this earth?  Do we wake up and peer out of those eyes that we have judged and condemned as so bad or wrong?  No, we wake up and peer out of our own eyes, eyes which see what we choose to see and connect to a mind that chooses what it wishes to focus on and erects an entire world out of a system of beliefs that are unique for THAT individual, only.

I’d love to be able to end this post by telling you I jumped up this morning and changed my life radically and for the better.  But, I’m still attached to the belief that I need this thing in my life, for now.  I’m aware of the pattern now though, I’m aware of the huge amount of fear fed judgment I have wrapped around the entire thing.  I can continue to choose this, or I can let it go, but the fact that I’m fully aware of it now is a great thing.  I have realized yet another pattern that had me circling the unconscious fishbowl of myself, asking why, why, why?

I can’t fix the world by focusing on what’s wrong with it. Not out there and not in here, within me.   I can fix myself, though, by realizing I was never broken.  I might have been by someone else’s standards, by the general consensus, by the “rules” arbitrarily put into place by a fearful group of folks that really needed to exercise CONTROL, by someone else who was just as lost in the unconscious shuffle of patterns as I ever was.

I am human, I am perfectly human, with all my glorious imperfections!  We came for experience, we came for patterns, the good ones and the bad ones we came to live within them and transcend them.  I just became aware of a ginormous one that no longer serves me, the question is, will I be able to let it go?  It’s a bigun!  Full of all that juicy fear and drama we humans are so attracted to.  I’ll give you a prediction, I think I’ll win out over my fear, because I’ve been conquering my fears for months and months now.  The more I release, the less hold it has over me, but like I said, this is a bigun.  One of those core beliefs that makes the world spin and such.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.  I think even more remarkable experience lies beyond this choice too, once I allow myself to make it.

What can you let go of today that might, just might, make your world a better place?  I dare ya to let it go, I triple dog dare ya!  ❤

I think I can…


“I can’t” is not the truth.  Not unless you believe it to be.  “I can’t” is merely a belief, in lieu of a statement of fact.  For do you realize that all truth is mutable?  You know why they say truth is stranger than fiction?  Because the truth is, its all fiction. 🙂

We make it all up based on our beliefs.   My truth is not your truth, is not your neighbor’s truth, is not your twin’s truth, is not your parent’s truth, is not your spouse’s truth, is not your children’s truth.  Sure, sure, we might share aspects of a similar truth, and generally agree about a great many things, but no two people on this great wide world will ever exactly know “the truth” as any other does.  How then, can we call it truth, if it is not absolutely true?  The only absolute truth I am aware of, is the truth of I am. I am, you are, we exist… unless of course you believe we are all figments of one another’s imaginations, then even that statement might not be absolutely true.  I’ll leave that one to you.

The only thing that is true for you is what you declare is true for you, what you acknowledge and give permission, within your own consciousness, to be true.  Yes, you are that powerful.  We all are.  I’ve spent years learning the patterns of my beliefs and subsequently releasing myself from the ones that don’t serve me and transforming them into a more user friendly version, , thereby changing my entire life.  My belief structures are set up in a way that lead me to my truths now instead of running for the hills and hiding behind what someone else told me was THE TRUTH.  I’ve untrained myself, retrained myself, redefined myself, so that this is now so.  This in turn allows the world I live within to be the beautiful place that I perceive it to be.

My definitions of life and beliefs are what allow me to look out and see only beauty in the world, and another to look out and see only oppression.  Which one is true?  Which vantage point is “right”?  Is mine?  Is yours?  Both,  for you see, life is not this or that, north pole or south pole, right or wrong, good or bad, me or you.  Life is ALL of it.  Life is the totality, the all encompassing aspect of everything.  “I am the Lord, and there is no other.  I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord do all these things. ” Isaiah 45:7

Can we not say the same things about ourselves, in our own lives?  My beliefs color my choices, which color my reactions or responses to life, which also direct the way my head turns in any given moment.  I can choose the light, or the darkness.  I can choose to create or destroy.  I can choose to forgive or condemn.  What choices are you making?  Did you know, even your attitudes towards life are a choice?  Do you look upon the glass of life and think, ahh half full, or do you look upon the glass and think damn, half empty?  Either is a choice, colored by perception informed by the beliefs you carry within you.

Has it always been this way, has life always been this easy?  I can just pick up a belief and eyeball it and decide, “nope, you don’t serve me any longer, I’m tired of carrying you around, adios!”  Yes, but it can take some effort and some awareness and some intention.  Beliefs are sticky suckers and love to pull you back into them, and the other funny thing about beliefs is you might not realize you’re ass deep in one until something about it reaches up and bites you.  But never fear, usually its at that point that you suddenly wake up and realize you were wading hip deep in the steaming pile of old smelly beliefs you have been so determined to release yourself from.  Attention to anything allows it, invites it. So it is a delicate dance, a balancing act if you will, to become aware of an old belief that has been ruling your life without getting sucked back into its guts.  But its possible and folks do it all the time.

I did it, and I used to be one of the most oblivious people on the planet.  I hoped, I dreamed, I prayed, but I didn’t know.  Oh I’ve been seeking it for a great long while but I was desperately seeking salvation for sins I couldn’t even remember committing.  I wasn’t seeking truth, I was seeking absolution and I was running pell-mell away from my fears.  I was just as awash in the turmoil and confusion as anyone else, constantly persecuted by life for simply existing.  I would have an insight, feel elated and think, “yes, this is IT”, then get smashed on the rocks of reality yet again.  This was how the world was, this was how it worked, why keep fighting the machine?  Because I had to, I did keep fighting, because I knew there was more, I knew there was something beneath it all.

A couple of years ago  I had a revelation and through the holiday season of that year I sat with it and felt it becoming something more.  I began to see the strings that pulled me this way and that, and they were all inside my mind.  They wore every color and had every sound and they created the scenes of my life that I found myself immersed within.  At the beginning of last year I quit running away from my fear and stood and faced myself and realized it wasn’t salvation I was seeking, it was truth.  It was self, it was me and I began to understand and my understanding began to give way to knowing.  That’s when I began to REALLY hear my truth and believe it.  Up until then I was swimming and believing in everyone else’s truth.  I have had intuitions and urges and impulses my entire life, but I was too scared to listen, too conditioned to believe the sensations arising from within myself could be trusted.  I lacked faith in myself and so I still followed.

buddha statue in wat umong chiang mai travel thai temple in northern thailand thailand
I would get glimpses of my truth, feel little rays of sunshine breaking through the oppressive clouds of misery in which I walked around in, but it never lasted.  It was fleeting.  Yet once I caught wind of it, once I felt that sheer bliss of my own soul gracing me, like the sun shining down through a part in the clouds, I was hooked.  I still didn’t trust myself enough to go within, to believe the words of my own heart, because they were far too wrapped up in the words of the world.  So I looked outside, I read books, watched movies, attended lectures and seminars and sermons,  bought programs, seeking, seeking, seeking.  Always out there, always for someone else to show me THE WAY, depending on external guidance and confirmation.

This worked for so and so, therefore that must be the way to salvation, this worked for so and so therefore it must be the way to happiness.  This worked for so and so therefore it must be the way to wealth and prosperity, this worked for so and so therefore it must be the way to love.  This worked for you and you are blissfully happy, and I so desperately wish to be blissfully happy… Etc etc etc. But it gave me a place to start.  That’s all I’m suggesting, start, follow the yellow brick road of yourself down the paths they lead you on and you will eventually uncover yourself.  Eventually you will begin to trust yourself and that still subtle voice.

Luckily there are some powerful guides on this earth of ours, today more so than ever, with the information of the world being made available at our very fingertips.  We don’t have to travel to Tibet to interact with the Dalai Lama.  We don’t have to find an ashram in India.  We don’t have to venture to the remotest regions of the world and ascend a sacred mountain to have revelation handed to us.  The world is changing as rapidly as a wardrobe change at a superbowl halftime show. All reflecting exactly how much and how quickly we are rising within the awareness of self.

All the religious and philosophical texts have nuggets of truth, meant for the person they speak to.  It might not speak to you, and that’s alright, go pick up another one.  Eventually you will find one that resonates with you.  Eventually you will come into contact with one that will set you alight from the inside out.  Your entire body will zing with the clear bell of truth and possibility and you will rise within yourself.  You will look upon the world a slightly changed being, and crave to know more.   This information is usually wrapped in mystery, until you can see beyond the words, find that clear space beneath them from which they too rose.  They are all flavored slightly differently as well, as they should be!  Call it poetic license, all authors take some.

We each see the world slightly differently, we each have a different infinity residing within our skulls, and we each color every aspect of this world we come into contact with, with those definitions.  Doesn’t matter, they aren’t meant to be interpreted as THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.  They are meant as guides, pointers, directions.  “Look here,” they say, “someone has found truth and thought to share it with the world in the manner they felt was most effective for the time.”  Yet instead of picking it up and realizing it’s pointing within, historically it was taken as doctrine and used to insight fear and control and conformity.  No, no, the masses can’t handle that much freedom. Yet we are all awakening from that oppressive force, finally.  All over the planet, people are awakening to the truth every second.  And that truth lies within and cannot be contained by merely one text or another, cannot be contained by merely one person or another, but all of them, all of us.

We didn’t come here to be little cookie cutter people, all chopped and pressed out of the same exact mold, thinking the same exact thing, doing as we’re told.  What a boring world that would be!   We came here to ENJOY diversity!  We came here to enjoy the evolution of a soul from the deepest confines of restriction and opacity, to expand, to evolve to whatever level of translucency we desire to attain.  We didn’t come here to follow the rules as made up by someone else either.  We came here to express ourselves as fully and uniquely as we possibly can, following the call of our own guidance.


Truth is love, truth is forgiveness, truth is peace and freedom.  How do I know this?  By the feeling in my bones and my heart and my soul, that I have learned to listen to.   We, the spiritual or energetic we, is just as valid an aspect of YOU as the face you see when you look into the mirror and it is in CONSTANT contact with you, the little you, the face and form you wear.  We didn’t come here without a map, without guidance.  We are constantly in communication with our “higher selves”.  Or I should say our higher selves are constantly in communication with us, our physical selves, but our physical selves might not be listening.  The worse you feel, the further from your center, your source, you are operating.  The better you feel, the closer to your center you are being.  Quite simple.

You have to get the noise and voice of the world out of your ears so that you may hear the clear bell of your truth ringing in your heart.  It will guide you truly, every time.  Yet in order for it to do so  you must start saying I can.  Start believing yourself.  The truth of you speaks so softly it is quite hard to hear sometimes, that is why meditation is helpful.  Seek the silence as often as you can.  Until you find the silence, I find its helpful to fill your mind up with good things.  Read good books, something that makes you feel good, hopeful, glad to be alive.  If you must watch tv, watch empowering tv.  I don’t recommend tv for the most part, still too noisy and too much of the programming of the world in it, but to each their own.  Take walks in nature, go to the beach, sit on a rooftop and listen to the wind.  Exercise, anything that will bring you back into yourself and quiet that runaway loop of thoughts that seems to dominate an unconscious mind.


Begin to believe that you can change, begin to believe that you want to change.  Begin to believe that its possible to change, and for the better.  Your desire to be different has to be greater than your desire to remain the same.  You will know this is so, when your desire outweighs your fear and you move.  Follow that call of more that burns within you.  Decide, my friends, you can. Much love. ❤

It was the worst of times…no wait, it was the best of times…



How many of you have ever experienced the WORST EVENT EVER!!?  Or perhaps the worst scenario ever?  Worst break up, divorce, accident, injury, foreclosure, worst fight, car repossessed, death (not your own), worst parachute fight…  You get the picture.

Something that is generally thought of as absolutely the WORST thing that could ever happen to a body. Heck it might even be high on YOUR defined list of worst things ever.   Most of us have experienced something of this sort, at one time or another, or often.  And it might legitimately FEEL like the absolute worst possible thing that could have happened to you.   That’s it, you’re done, all in, no more, at the end of your rope, end of your chain, end of the line.   You might be heartbroken, you might be destitute, you might be jobless, you might be hopeless, you might be homeless,  you might be depressed, you might even be suicidal.

And you know what?  I say how effing exciting!  Because in THAT moment, true catharsis can occur.  How do I know, what makes me such an authority?  I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt and survived. Then rinsed and repeated, until I learned.  In those moments just following your personal tragedy,  the momentum of misguided thoughts and beliefs has come crashing to the ground and you have the opportunity to rise from the wreckage a completely new individual.  A completely altered being.  You can remain in victim patterns or you can decide in that moment to take charge of your life.  You can continue to burn, or you can emerge from the fires of your own personal  hell and rise.

Because none of that stuff “just happens”.  Even death, but that’s just my belief, feel free to disagree with me on that one.  You are free to choose anything, actually, you wish to believe.  This is less about death though than about the other calamities we can be faced with in life.  None of these so called accidents are in any way shape or form, accidental. The energy in which you swim, the constant conscious or unconscious level of thought that you resonate at, what you love, what you fear, what you hate, what you expect, all build the world in which we exist and how we perceive it.  Once something dramatic, such as an accident or a sudden and abrupt departure from the norm occurs, it is life smacking us with a 2×4, or something bigger.  “WAKE UP!”

This is your wake up call from life.  Your natural internal guidance, your gps has been screaming at you and you weren’t listening, so life kindly redirects you in the most expedient and, believe it or not, gentlest way possible.  We ask and we pray and we hope and we desire and then lament when nothing changes, when life keeps socking it to us.  Life is not socking it to us, we are socking it to ourselves by blindly stumbling along in an unconscious, likely detrimental, pattern that is leading us someplace we don’t want to go and won’t be happy with when we get there.

Life is CONSTANTLY “speaking” back to us.  Life is constantly offering the invitation to wake up and become more conscious and deliberate in the creation and enjoyment of our lives.  Before we even ask it is given, and that is because we are energetic beings so much more than this little lump of flesh and blood that we so tightly identify with.  Most can’t see that energetic aspect of themselves and in our highly conditioned Western society it is still considered a bit outside the norm to even acknowledge it, but times are changing.


Choice is king.  The chooses of you are the truthses of you.  What you choose to feel, what you choose to believe, what you choose to focus on, ESPECIALLY in moments such as these, will either further entrap you or utterly set you free.  You see these things don’t happen by accident, they happen by design. YOUR OWN DESIGN.

We are the creators of our own lives, top to bottom.  The beliefs you CHOOSE to operate from, color the entire tapestry of your life.  Every single aspect of it. So what happens when you are firmly situated in a belief structure that has you feeling out of control, has you feeling at the mercy of fate or the man or life or your Gods or what have you?  You beat that drum, over and over and over, inside your mind.  So often and so softly that you likely can’t even hear it any longer, its been there so long and so low its like the hum of a refrigerator.  You don’t notice it.

You fret, you worry, you angst, you rage, you deceive, you lie, you cheat, you steal, you bust your ass for no reward, you sacrifice, you slave, you are frustrated , one step forward two steps back, etc.  The list is endless and agonizing.  You feel overwhelmed, you feel trapped, you feel limited, you feel like a failure and it keeps snowballing.  The worse you feel, the worse you feel.  And then some bright and shiny person comes along and says, “Hey!  Your beliefs create your reality!” and you want to punch them in the face.

Not so much because they are cheerful sots, 🙂 but because you WISH, with all your heart, you could believe them.  But you’ve spent ALL this time, perhaps even your whole life LIVING the evidence of the beliefs you are so entrapped in, you can’t even see them for what they are.  Merely a lifetime of choice, directed and colored by the perceptions allowed by your beliefs.

So set yourselves free, you are your jailor and you hold the key to your freedom.  By waking up to the patterns that have been running your unconscious life.  It’s not the big fat mystery I always though it was.  It’s actually quite logical and sound and simple as pie.  Life is a reflection of patterns that run inside you, it’s like the entire world is a gigantic theater and our eyes are projecting the dramas of our patterns out onto it for all to see.

But the movie of our lives is most especially for ourselves.  Our lives are a language that only the liver of that life can decipher with 100% accuracy.  Because it isn’t always a 1 to 1 reflection.  You get some of the things you love, you get some of the things you fear, you get some of the things that irritate you, some of the things that amuse you, etc.  It seems a jumbled mess, until you begin to wake up and see the patterns for what they are.  Patterns of behavior, patterns of emotion, patterns of thoughts. We are utterly ruled by the patterns of our lives, until such time as we become aware of the patterns, and ultimately realize, we ourselves are the pattern makers.

It’s not fate, it’s not destiny, it’s not “just life”, its you and the energetic patterns that you allow to run through your system all day long, from the second you wake until you fall back asleep, and even your dreams will show you the patterns, if you will listen to them, and can interpret them, for they form an even more abstract pattern within a pattern.

The fun thing about unearthing patterns is that the more unconscious patterns you make conscious, the more your life starts to make sense.  The more you realize exactly how much of a choice you actually have in every aspect of your life.  It’s kind of like magic, and its available to every single person on the planet, all we need is a little more awareness. 

So go, begin to suss out those patterns that you might not even believe are actually the rulers of your world.  Start with the first thoughts that pop into your head in the morning.  Are they worried thoughts?  Are they anxious thoughts?  Are they excited thoughts?  Are they anticipatory thoughts?  Do you look forward to your day?  Have you been replaying an argument you had with your boss, or your lover, or your friend, or your child, or the cat next door for 2 days now and that’s the very first thing that pops into your mind when you awaken?    Do you jump up out of bed eager and excited for the possibilities of the day or do you groan and bury yourself back under the covers as deeply as you can, punching the snooze button for another 10 minutes of oblivion?

You can start there, that might be too big though, for some.  You see, patterns intertwine and overlap and carryover and are generally quite well made, so the ones that bombard you in the morning might be too deep, too heavy, too intense have too many deep ties in too many dark places.  That’s perfectly alright, if you don’t think you can touch any of those, look for those repetitive things you do during the day.  Do you compulsively think about winning the lottery and then catch yourself 5 thoughts later saying yeah right, like that’ll ever really happen? And then following the grey brick road of despondency to why you are stuck in your crappy  job?   There is a pattern there about abundance and probably worthiness and several other things. 

Do you always take the same route to work?  Do you always go to lunch with the same folks, or to the same place, or always order the same thing?  What do those patterns tell you? Start small, start simple, start wherever you are drawn to start. 


Make the intention that you are going to catch yourself in some repetitive act, what voices run in your head all day long? Are they mostly positive and happy and energetic? (If so, right on, your life is likely pretty awesome!)  Are they sluggish and cranky?  Are they anxious, are they mean, are they kind?  Once you catch a thought the third or fourth time, ask yourself why?  Why do I allow this to run through my head?  If it is something you feel you must worry about, why?  Worry solves nothing, it only perpetuates issues.  This has been proven, yet millions of people still engage in the, quite useless, act of worry.  Actually generating things and people and situations about which to worry more.  Why?  Patterns, we were taught by family, friends, schools, life.  So as Yoda says, you must unlearn what you have learned.  Teach yourself a new way to be.  Become a conscious creator of your life, instead of an unconscious passenger.  More awake, more conscious, more deliberate, more in charge of your own ship.

Begin now to unravel the blanket of your subconscious, or unconscious mind.  It is within your power, you can unearth the patterns that have been ruling your life and you can begin to reprogram yourself.  A really great book that explains this, in such a lovely way, is by Dr. Joe Dispenza and the title of the book is called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.  The Divine Matrix by Gregg Braden is also another great book to start with.   There are many, many, many excellent books out there about this subject, and a wide variety of teachers, so follow what piques your interest,  but if you need some ideas, these are a beautiful place to start.

You deserve a wildly successful life, you deserve a life you love and sometimes the absolute best way to find that is amidst the rubble of what you previously perceived as the greatest tragedy or calamity of your life.  The choice, as always, is yours.  It takes practice, it takes dedication, it takes some retraining, but the results are so worth it!!  Wishing you all great success, great satisfaction and great love.






Are you following the call of your life?


Do you do what you love in life?  What do you love? Do you allow what you love into your life?  Allow it to move your life?  Or do you torment yourself with the never ending quest for its attainment?  Or perhaps even for its identity?  Always keeping it just out of reach like the proverbial carrot on a stick in front of a horse’s nose?

Do what you love and…the world becomes your playground. Do what you love and the money will follow. Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. Do what you love and your life will have meaning.  Do what you love and the world will be a better place for it.  Do what you love and you’ll be fulfilled.  How many of you have heard those phrases, or the gagillion other similar ones?

Do what you love.  Is it that simple?  Really?  Yes, if you allow it to be, if you choose to believe it can be, when you get out of your own way.  You feel joy when you allow yourself to do the things you love, be it the grand calling of your life, or merely those simple things that bring you immense joy and pleasure on a day to day basis.  It does not matter the scale, what matters is following the pulse of your life.

My darling friend, Cat (irfriske), and I love to play with words.  We love words, to write them, to read them, to speak them, and to meddle with the definitions of them.  She shared with me a gem she uncovered yesterday and it spoke to me in such a profound manner, I feel compelled to share.

It is my belief, my truth, that the being that is me (all of us in my opinion) emanate from the space between our heartbeats.  That is the stillness and the silence to which I go when I meditate, that is the energetic portal that gives rise to the being I know as myself, constantly.  Now when we are in the flow of life, when we are living our truth, following the call of our passions, listening to the voice of our hearts, we get impulses.

Those impulses guide us as surely as any roadmap, to the fulfillment of our dreams, to the fairytale coincidences that many people believe simply aren’t possible.  They are your call to life.  Cat knows this belief,  she shares a similar version of it and we talk of such things often,  so Cat’s gift to me yesterday was a play on the world impulse.   She said, “listen to this word, impulse.  What does it sound like?”  And I heard it.  “pulse.” I said and she said “yes, In Pulse.  When we follow the impulses of our life, we are in the flow, the rhythm, the pulse of ourselves.”  GAH!! That’s awesome!  What a gift!!  What a delightful treasure of a word and a new clarity of meaning around it!  Are you following the pulse of yourself?  Do you remember how?

What do you love to do?  I love to be happy. I love to write. I love to draw. I love to ride my horses. I love to read. I love to create things with my hands and with my mind. I love to listen to my son tell me his zany stories and act out the joyous goofiness that dwells within him. I love adventures.  I love to exercise and the fact that I CAN get up to exercise now when as recently as 3 months ago, that was just a fond wish.  I love a great many things, too numerous for this tiny little blog post.

Will me following the call of my loves change the world?  Simply, yes. It doesn’t matter the scale.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a change of epic, global proportions, it changes MY world.  Will doing the things you love change the world?  For certain, even if it, too, is only your own world.  Yet how profound a thing that is.  Think of a world in which the majority of the people are doing the things they love to do.  Think of the feel of such a world.  Think of the flow of such a world, think of the lack of desperation in such a world.  Think of what a world full of self-empowered, happy people is capable of.

What do you love? Do you even know? A few months ago, heck, even a few days ago, I still wouldn’t even allow myself to admit to loving some of the things I hold within my heart. I love to inspire people. I love to be inspired. I love to see something or read something or do something that inspires me to more, which inspires me to rise.  I love things that call forth my shine.

Sometimes the only person I inspire is myself. But that’s alright, I’m someone, if I won’t even shine my light for myself, who will?  You might be surprised the number of people in your life that you are an inspiration to.  Shine.  The world needs more shine. That’s why we are here, to shine. To be, uniquely and beautifully US, in whatever shape and color and form and function that brings you the most delight.


By doing this, by shining, in whatever fashion we can, in whatever way we can, we give permission to others.  We show others, through the clarity of OUR being, that we are made of the light, we are made of love. We come from inspiration, we are inspiration, and joy and clarity. We are creators. Life is an adventure and its meant to be a grand, fun, joyous experience!

We are here to guide each other, we are here to learn from each other, we are here to BE. Be whatever it is in our heart of hearts to BE. Doesn’t matter whether that is to be a 9-5 number cruncher, a dog catcher, a horse trainer, a movie star, a rock star, a coach, an author, a painter, a dancer, a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister, famous or a nobody. Whatever floats your boat…go for it.

Whatever that call is in your heart, you know the one I’m talking about. The one that has such a poignancy to it makes you cry sometimes for the feelings it generates within you. That calling that pulls your soul in a direction your mind, at times,  can’t even grasp, and likely will argue with you about. Because that call of your heart comes from your soul. Call it whatever you want, it comes from that place that is beyond the conditioning, beyond the layers of energetic patterns we elected to birth within, beyond the mind, beyond the body.

What you love to do, is that thing that won’t leave you alone, that thing that brings you back around to it, time and time again.



One of my nearest and dearest friends wanted to be a wife and a mother, that was her dream.  That was the calling in her heart.  She went to school and got a degree because that’s what her family wanted her to do.  She worked hard and denied her dream because just getting married and having babies wasn’t anything to aspire to, according to the conditioning she grew up with.  She got the great job and loved it, but in her heart of hearts, her true love kept calling her, and she wasn’t fulfilled until she brought that dream to life.  It’s a beautiful dream, lovely in every way, yet she took a very pain filled route to get to it, because of her conditioning.  What are the edicts in your mind holding you from?  What glorious aspects of yourself are your conditioned programs holding you from?

Sometimes we get to the point where we can’t hear that calling any more because we bury it under those mountains of belief programs and conditioning. How do we find it again? How do we hear that still silence that calls louder than  an air raid siren within the confines of our soul? That call, that if we ignore, feels like it’s ripping us to shreds from the inside out.

Heck, maybe you don’t even know what it is that is ripping your heart to shreds.  That used to be my story.  I buried myself under so much stuff (conditioning), I had no clue.  No conscious clue, that is.  I was just miserable.  I had this exquisite pain in my soul ripping me to pieces every day, but I had buried it so deeply all I could feel was the pain of unfulfilled dreams. I knew I wanted, I knew I used to feel passionate about…something…but I couldn’t remember what it looked like, could barely remember what it felt like, but still it kept calling me.  Looking back I see the cookie crumb trail plain as day, but as I was slogging through it, I couldn’t see the crumbs for all the conditions and obligations I couldn’t get my focus off of.

So how do we free that call?  How do we KNOW what we love to do?  For some of you this is easy-peasy, you know, and you’ve always known.  You might not actually be doing it, but it’s that thing that when someone asks you if you could do anything, what would you do and you have a ready answer.  Bravo!!  Start taking steps in that direction!  For those of you who might have lost it, or think you’ve lost it, what about you, what can you do to begin living within the pulse of your life once more, instead of being beaten to death by it?

You make it your focus, there is so much power in choice.  You decide to uncover what it is you TRULY love.   You listen for it, start from the space of what do I THINK would make me happy?  What, from my current perspective, FEELS like the calling of my heart?  If you have spent a lifetime burying it, it might take some time to unearth it.  It might take some digging, you might not get to it immediately, but if you will simply follow the call of what feels better, you WILL get to it.  What do I feel like doing right now that might raise me up, even if it’s just a little?  The trail is there, the cookie crumb trail to your delight, to your peace, to your joy, to your passion, to your love.

Its always there, staring us in the face, so allow yourself to begin, now!  Do what you love, even if you have to baby step your way to it.  Listen to the pulsing of your heart, go within the silence between the beats and allow yourself to rise.  Allow the truth of you to come screaming to the surface for all the world to see, and be inspired by.  Shine your light, because all of us are a beacon for someone.


Consistent and Persistent


How many of you still make New Year’s Resolutions?   I used to be a New Year’s Resolver and sometimes made it to February before the flame fizzled out.  Here we are on the cusp of March, are you still going strong on your new goal for self?

I can honestly answer that yes, now.   I’m constantly renewing and rebuilding the mental structure of myself nowadays.  Its an ever changing, flowing, evolving process.  Within that flow, I am consistent in my focus on the new goal and I persist until I’ve “won” it.  What changed?  Why now do I consistently enjoy success, where for all the previous decades of my life I fizzled by this time of year?

Why do we do it to begin with?  Because we desire more, we desire better, we desire evolution.  Hopefully your answer is yes to your persistence on your new goal, but  don’t beat yourself up if its a no.  We make New Year’s Resolutions because we are supposed to…that’s what everyone does.  New Year, New You!  But if we truly desired a new us, we’d be doing it. all the time. anyway.  I’ve said it before, evolution is not a thousand years from now thing, or a 10,000 years ago thing.  Evolution is an ongoing, ever changing, expanding process that is constantly happening NOW.

True change requires consistency and persistence and the majority of folks dwell within an INSTANT gratification mentality. (I’m gonna lose 30 pounds by this weekend!!)  I did, I’m not gonna lie (no, not lose 30 pounds in a week, but I used to exist in an instant gratification mentality).    Not that there is anything wrong with this,  it’s a perfectly viable way to move through life, from a certain perspective.   But it lacks the oomph usually required for an “I’m gonna make this the best year ever!”  Or, become my best self ever!  Or, I’m gonna FINALLY start that exercise program, or write that book, or quit my job and paint full time, or …or…or, whatever your IT is.

We make a new goal for ourselves, for our life and get caught up in the emotion of it all, my God, its exhilarating!  Just thinking about it! Oh the possibilities!!  I’m gonna change the world!!!!  And then…after a couple of days, weeks or maybe even months, if we don’t “see” the results we think we should have…. challenges arise, sometimes seemingly impossible challenges and the momentum of the  “old” life drags you inexorably back…fizzle goes the flame.  Why?  Because we turn around and look at what we’ve got, instead of keeping our eyes (and feelings and focus) on the prize.

You want to be different, better, happier, stronger, fitter, more affluent, etc.  only you get sucked back into old habits, old patterns of being, feeling stuck. What’s missing, what’s the catch, how do I stop doing that…going back to the seemingly easier old habits?   FYI, old habits are not easier, they are simply more familiar.  An old habit is only easier to maintain due to air time, familiarity, consistency and persistent application.

So engage your beautiful mind my friends.  Take your habitual focus off of the old familiar patterns and habits and CONSISTENTLY place it on the new desired habit or tendency or way of being.  Take losing weight for example, or starting an exercise program to get swole, err whatever.   Again, it’s March so all the ads for swim suits and getting beach ready are blasting across the media.  Making you paranoid and feeling like you NEED to change, “ahh and I MUST DO IT NOW, so I can be beach ready by tomorrow!  Oh Great Goombah help me!”

If you are 20, 30, 50, 80 pounds overweight, or underweight or just generally out of shape, you can’t change that overnight.  You just can’t, I don’t care what cleanse you take, or radical celebrity diet, or whatever supercharged workout program you begin, how many supplements you shove down your gullet or protein shakes you consume.  It’s not going to happen overnight.  It is a process.

It WILL happen.  And it will get easier and easier as you PERSIST in  your new habits, your habits of thinking  and believing first and foremost.  Mental habits precede physical habits, so you have to change the mental track before the physical results will follow.  I’m using health as an example, but apply this to any area of your life you desire significant change.  Want a new or better job, want a new or better relationship, want a new or better house, win friends , influence people, that sort of thing, etc  First change your thoughts, beliefs, habits, patterns.

“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.” James 1:22

What’s the difference between just being a hearer and a doer?  Night and day.  I was a hearer only for years and years and years.  I thought if I just read the book I’d absorb the information and presto chango, I’d be instantly transformed into who I wanted to be (thinner, fitter, richer, better at relationships, smarter, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, J.K. Rowling…etc)


Only problem was…I didn’t actually CHANGE any of my habits because I didn’t put forth the effort to change my thinking.  Sure I read the book, but I didn’t apply the exercises, I didn’t actually DO any of the suggestions that were offered in the hundreds and hundreds of books I’ve read on all the assorted subjects that tickled my fancy. Well, let me clarify, I would attempt the easiest ones, the ones that didn’t take much effort or time. (Because I was SO busy…busy drowning in my old habits).

I would give it a half-assed go for a week, MAYBE two but inevitably I would fall back into the old patterns. I never allowed myself to become FAMILIAR with the new thoughts, thereby transforming them into new habits.  I was much more consumed with the easy quick fix.  Of which there was none, I came to find out, through trial and lots of error. “be ye doers of the word”, means, you know, actually DO something different, even if that doing is merely changing the way you think about something.  Thinking is actually a DOING, believe it or not.   I was consistent in my lack of consistency and persistence, in regards to the NEW and thereby found myself swallowed up once again by the old familiar patterned way of being 😀


So what changed?  Awesome, inspirational, drool worthy pics of Dwayne Johnson aside, he didn’t step off the page and fix things for me. Nor did Indiana Jones sweep in and save the day.  No, I did.  I changed, and that change starts with self and how you think of said self.   I made a commitment to myself to become a doer of the word and not a hearer only, who was constantly deceived by my overwhelming self-limiting habits and beliefs. How?

I picked up the book I was most inspired to pick up and I read it cover to cover and I truly and legitimately made an effort to apply the exercises to CHANGE my habitual way of thinking and being. I listened to Youtube videos.  I picked the ones that “spoke” to me.   I followed the teachers that sparked something within me, people who were living the life I wanted to live.  I went to workshops.  I read some more.  I got on Facebook pages that were in line with my desires.

I took advice from successful people on what worked for them and began APPLYING it. I followed their advice on what worked for them.  I TRIED things.   Did I follow their exercises exactly?  Not always,  in the beginning I did.  The more my confidence in myself grew, the more I tweaked them to work for me, but I DID them, and I kept doing the ones that seemed to benefit me the most.  I began coming up with my own exercises.

Day after day after day after day, consistently.  Until one day I realized my new habits were more familiar than my old habits.  Now it felt odd to engage in something that just a few months ago I thought was super duper, or at least how I SHOULD do something.  I don’t recognize the person I was even two years ago, because I’m an utterly new individual, and I hope to not recognize myself 6 months from now because I’ve evolved way beyond the point I’m at now!

You want to get ripped?  Go to the gym and lift heavy, consistently.  You want to publish that book? Keep writing, consistently.  You want to lose weight?  Stick to your health plan, consistently.  You want to change the way you see the world?  See the world differently, consistently. Day after day after day after day, always with that end goal in sight, always with the intention of persistently responding in a way congruent with your new habit, your new desired way of being, thinking, eating, moving, acting, etc.  FEEL how you imagine it feels to BE who and what you desire to be.

And you know what?  Everyday is different, some days you wake up and its easy as pie.  It all just flows and you think, this is the best change I ever made, why didn’t I do this years ago?  And other days you are gonna wake up and want to just bury yourself back under your sheets.  Old cravings arise, old habits come knocking, old boyfriends show up, life throws something at you that triggers 50 destructive habitual tendencies and you think, what’s the use, this is so hard, it sucks, but it’s just easier to eat chocolate cake doused in vodka.

Some days I voluntarily launch myself off the wagon and just roll around in the old habits.  Not as often as I used to, its more of a ” and how do I feel about this now?” scenario, I do it consciously to see if there is any residual belief or pattern hanging around that I need to clean up.  I don’t do this often, as I really have reached a point where it no longer serves a purpose to intentionally punish or abuse myself with old self-destructive or delusional habits.  The choice is always there, always available, and sometimes I do take it,  but I get back up because I like the new view of life that the new habits offer.  I am consistent in my return to my new vision of self and I get back on the damn horse, even if it scares me.

Persist!  Persist!  Remind yourself, in whatever manner best works for you!  Have a plan, write it down, remind yourself WHY you are changing.  Be consistent in your dedication to the new you!!  Sometimes that might mean you spend a day in bed, don’t offer judgment on your familiarization process, that just slows it down.  Rapid self-growth can be exhausting and overwhelming, so be easy on yourself.  But redirect your mental habits along the new trail of thought as frequently as possible.  IF you are having a bad day, go pick up a book from your favorite teacher, go watch a movie, call a friend that can help get you back on track or will listen and allow you to simply be at the level you are at, go take a nap, go eat cake.  Don’t give up though.  Never give up on yourself.

Any dream is possible, if you have a dream for your life, it did not come without purpose, and no, that purpose is not to torment you by lack of fulfillment.  Your dreams are your own, they are an invitation from your higher self, calling you ever upward and into expansion. Evolution of the soul, that’s what your dreams are.  Heed that call, don’t just listen, an idle wisher, to your own dreams, they are sent with purpose.  Take steps towards the fulfillment of them, if that involves completely overhauling your old habitual patterns of being, then so be it.  What one can do, any can do.


Seek inspiration from any source you need to, but commit.  Commit to yourself, to your ideal self and be consistent in the new habits you lay down.  Believe me, you are worth the effort.  You very well might be overcoming a lifetime of detrimental habits, so you have to repeat and repeat and repeat these new habits until they become second nature, just as your old ones were. So persist through the rough patches, be consistent with your new habits until they become utterly familiar and the old ones begin to fall away. Revel in your newfound sense of power and freedom as you evolve well beyond the being you previously thought you were.  Wishing you great love and joyous evolution!

and the truth shall set you free…


I heard a Wayne Dyer lecture several years back and one thing he said has stuck with me, all these years.  He asked when you squeeze something what comes out?

The answer is profoundly simple, obviously, what’s inside.

So what comes out when you are squeezed by life?  Anxiety, fear, outrage, defensiveness, anger, hopelessness, or do you have a more peaceful, non-judgmental, kind response?  I used to react with frustration, anger, helplessness followed by depression, all in varying degrees depending on the day and  how tightly I was being squeezed.  Those are pretty typical responses for a stressed out individual.  That’s what I felt inside and that’s what came oozing out.

I didn’t like it though, I hated reacting.   Especially reacting in that manner, because usually I uttered frustrated, unhappy, stressed out things that I inevitably regretted.  Plus it just felt yucky, and I can’t stand feeling yucky.  Additionally it left me feeling powerless, like I had no choice in the matter.  Life happened and I blew up or broke down, because I was not aware there was a choice in the matter.  There has to be another way, I kept thinking.  Luckily I found that other way.

I’m a big advocate for natural.  So I began asking if it is natural for a person to be constantly stressed and cranky? Am I naturally a stressed out grumpy person?  (No)  Why do I always react this way? (Because that’s how I feel, I feel powerless to change this situation and I’ve always reacted this way and most people I know react this way and if I just blow off the steam I’ll feel a little better and…and..and…)  What would I have to believe is true, to have this outburst, or reaction?  (That I really don’t have any control over my life, I am powerless to respond, I’m not prepared for this, why does this always keep happening?)  Does it SERVE me to believe this way? (uhhh, probably  not)  Then why do I believe this? (…..) What could I possibly believe that might actually serve me?

So, by constantly seeking the why behind all my behaviors, the root cause, I began to determine why I felt bowled over by life. The root cause for every behavior and response is belief, they are literally the keeper of keys and grounds, within your mind and as a result, what you allow yourself to perceive.  Do you have a competent keeper of the structures that rule your life?


Our beliefs are so vitally important, they literally build  the life we enjoy (or survive).  I won’t get too detailed here but just think for a minute, how you feel when you are in a “good” mood.  You feel lighter, you feel friskier, you feel more playful, you feel at ease, you feel inspired, you feel motivated to do stuff and maybe go places, you have ideas, etc.  Conversely when you are in a “bad” mood, you feel heavier, you might feel tired, you feel closed off, you think the world is conspiring against you, you can’t see the open door just to your left because you are so busy glaring at the closed door right in front of you that you thought should be open, etc.

So, how do we go about busting up those bogus beliefs and replacing them with the ones that rebuild you, from the inside out?  That way when life squeezes you, you respond in lieu of reacting.  Responsibility gets a bad wrap sometimes, but really its a lovely word.  The more responsible you are, the better you flow through life. Responsibility infers power, response, choice, reaction is merely you defending yourself.  You increase your response-ability the further you strip yourself down to your natural state.  So where to begin?


What situation or event caused this response?  Was it something specific or just anything sets you off? This happened and that is how I reacted.  I didn’t like the way I reacted, how could I react differently?  Why did I react this way?  These questions will lead you to the area of self you need to focus on to resolve this issue and heal yourself.

If its many areas, just pick one and begin.  Usually when you unearth a belief that is affecting, say your finances, you discover that the belief has been affecting all areas of your life, in some form or fashion.  So you get more bang for your buck.

Important note, we must BE different in order to react differently, to transform that reaction into a response.  So how do you go about transforming a belief?  First by understanding that ALL beliefs are optional and not absolute.  Think about any number of beliefs you have changed over the course of your life.  I’m sure there are many.  Why then do we get stuck in the belief 🙂 that we can’t change a belief, that a belief is an absolute truth and immutable?  It’s just a belief and just because something is true for you, doesn’t mean it’s true for me, or anyone else for that matter.

Abraham (Abraham Hicks) always says a belief is just a thought you keep thinking.  So begin thinking new thoughts.    Ask yourself, “What must I believe is true for me to have this reaction/response?”  Then ask yourself, “Why am I CHOOSING to believe I must feel this way, respond this way, be this way?  Does this belief serve me?  Does it open me up, allow me to see more possibilities or contract me to the point of suffocation?  If I CHOOSE to believe this belief is serving me, then in what ways is it serving me?  Can I choose to believe something different about this situation or myself?  What would serve me better?”

Now, I hold the belief that life is a reflection of the predominant beliefs that I allow to run through my mind. My belief is that the natural state of a human is to feel peace and confidence and freedom and joy, and regardless of what circumstances life offers up to me, it is always my choice as to how I will respond.  I changed the structure of those beliefs to one that serves me and feels better.  This allows an utterly new way of life to unfold that was previously closed off to me. All I did was change the habitual patterns of thinking I previously felt trapped by.   Life, and everything I encounter in it, is for my benefit, for my highest good.  Life has no choice but to reflect that new belief back to me in all the glorious ways it has.

We all need healing, until such time as we realize we don’t, that we are absolutely perfect, just as we are.  Quirks and foibles and beliefs and all.

Life happenes…to all of us, or rather through all of us, but not with malice and not without rhyme or reason.  Life is merely a reflection of the balance of patterns, mental and emotional patterns that you allow to run you.  Are you controlling the flow and direction of those patterns  or do you feel like a victim of life?  If you feel like a victim, then begin to unearth the beliefs that have held you captive.  The ties that bind are only in your mind.

Do you perhaps feel like life is something out there that is bigger than you  and you have no control over it, its this juggernaut that flattens you constantly? Or do you realize life is merely a reflection of the internal world of  belief structures  your consciousness is playing in?

Life is a constant invitation to view the truth of yourself, to see the truth beneath the patterns, the quiet behind the storm.

Uncover yourself, uncover your truth…and be free.